


Canis Major

by Blossomwitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ficlet Collection, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-28 18:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3865780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blossomwitch/pseuds/Blossomwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of short stories exploring the relationship between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Friendship, slash, stuff that is somewhere in-between the two, all time periods. Latest chapter: Remus never likes to admit to differences from his friends, and that includes the story of how he wound up in Gryffindor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Months of Grimmauld Place

The first month Remus lived at 12 Grimmauld Place, he wouldn't even listen when Sirius made the suggestion.   
  
The second month he listened to the suggestion, but only because Sirius put Remus into a chair and then stood in front of him while he talked. There was a tension to Sirius, almost a mania, that made Remus wonder if the suggestion was really supposed to benefit him after all, or if it was because Sirius wanted it. Either way, Remus' answer was still no, and he still wouldn't discuss it. Eventually Sirius threw his hands up and let Remus out of the chair and they went on with things, but they were stiff with each other for a few days.   
  
The third month Sirius managed to get under Remus' skin, so he took the bait and they had a blazing row over it. Remus said Grimmauld Place was the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix and he couldn't possibly be as selfish as Sirius was suggesting. Sirius said it was his damn house, and he could do what he wanted. Remus said it was much too dangerous, as someone could come to headquarters in the middle of the night. Sirius said they could warn people. Remus said he didn't care to have the whole Order think he was behaving so incredibly selfishly as to take over headquarters for his personal use. Sirius said he could do with acting selfish once in awhile, and did he have to _remind_ Remus that it was Sirius' house and he ought to be able to have _some_ control over it. Remus said he didn't want to remind everyone, even though he knew they all knew, he didn't want to shove it in everyone's faces every month that he was a werewolf. Sirius said he couldn't leave the house, that even Remus wasn't there most of the time, and he was lonely, and this was something he could _do_ , and didn't Remus miss...?  
  
Sirius left the room at that point. There were too many emotions surfacing. Later, in the quiet hours of the evening, Remus came to him and said yes, I miss it. But the Order. And Sirius said, Hang the Order. It's my house.   
  
From month four onward, an extra set of protective charms were placed on the house during the night of the full moon. A note was also placed on the door: "This house set aside for the use of Messrs Padfoot and Moony. Those not wishing to contract lycanthropy will kindly return after sunrise."   
  
The furniture survived relatively well, all things considered, although the stairs got a tremendous amount of wear as the wolf and dog chased each other up and down the floors. Mrs. Black's portrait acquired claw marks, which both men adamantly claimed credit for despite there only being one set of marks. Sirius was never happier than on the day after the full moon, and though Remus could never truly be said to be happy on that day, he looked considerably healthier than anyone could remember seeing him.   
  
The month of Sirius' death, the sign did not appear on the door of 12 Grimmauld Place. There was no sound of thundering paws from within, no sharp bark of canine laughter. But somewhere not too far away, a solitary wolf could be heard howling and keening to the wind.    
  
  
  



	2. Who Is This James?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something lighter from the Marauder years...

Remus was walking back to the castle from Care of Magical Creatures when he was attacked.  
  
He knew instantly that it was his own fault for lagging behind. He should have known better than to get separated from the herd this close to the weekend, when gleefully pranking Gryffindors were found in abundance. In fact, Remus was so familiar with the habits of his own particular set of gleefully pranking Gryffindors that being tackled by something completely invisible and dragged toward the Forbidden Forest caused him no alarm. "James!" he said in an exasperated tone. "You hurt my knee."  
  
"James? _James_?" replied an indignant voice that did not, upon reflection, belong to James.  
  
"Sorry. But seeing as how you're invisible and have apparently stolen his cloak, you have to admit it was a pretty good guess--"  
  
"Who is this James?" Sirius demanded, gaining the edge of the forest and pushing Remus up against a tree.  
  
"Rather dashing fellow, actually."   
  
Sirius' response was swift and predictable--he kissed Remus. Not just any kiss; the kiss of a man whose boyfriend had just mistaken him for his best friend, and then complimented said friend. The kiss of someone with a point to make.   
  
 "Now who do you think I am?" Sirius asked when they came up for air.   
  
"Sirius," Remus replied with a smile, not bothering to open his eyes.   
  
"And who's this James fellow?"  
  
"Never heard of him."  
  
Sirius grinned. "Damn right."  
  
  
  



	3. Obedience Training (drabble)

Toward the very end of her wedding reception, Lily Potter tore herself away from her new husband for long enough to approach the best man. "I'm almost not sure it's you, Sirius. Are you really and truly going to let James' wedding go by without a prank?"

"It's your wedding day too," Sirius replied. "Even I have some respect."

Lily thought this over. Then she went to find Remus. "No pranks?"

"Not a one." He looked pleased with himself.

"What did you have to promise Sirius for a reward?"

Remus pinked slightly. "Lily, my dear, you don't want to know."


	4. Acceptable Behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place somewhere between the end of Book 4 and the start of Book 5

The first time they slept together after Azkaban, Remus woke up in the middle of the night with Sirius screaming in his ear.   
  
Remus flailed, trying to simultaneously kick off the covers, grab his wand, and shove Sirius out of whatever danger they were in. What he actually succeeded in was pulling the covers askew, knocking his wand onto the floor, and waking Sirius up.   
  
Sirius shot bolt upright, then became still, looking at Remus with a look of terrible confusion. "Where am I?"  
  
It took Remus a few heartbeats to put everything together. Then he realized there were not, in fact, Death Eaters pouring through the door, and that Sirius had not, in fact, been reacting to anything that could hurt them in the here and now. "My place," Remus said, keeping his tone as calm and casual as he could. "With me," he added, when the blank, empty look on Sirius' face didn't go away. But it was no good; a stranger still looked out at him from Sirius' eyes. "You're not in Azkaban."  
  
Only then did an expression of comprehension slide onto Sirius' face. It was a slow slide. Remus busied himself with fixing the blankets so they were aligned with the bed again. "Sorry," Sirius said, without much inflection. "Sometimes when I wake up I forget where I am."  
  
"So I see." Remus lay back down. "Are you coming back to sleep?"  
  
Sirius lay down, but he was looking at Remus with a furrowed brow. "I have the impression I woke you up shouting... and I also have the impression you don't mind."  
  
"Honestly, I'm a bit relieved." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Since you showed up here, you've acted almost exactly the same as you used to. At least, you seem that way to me. And I know that no one, not even you, can go through twelve years of Azkaban and come out unchanged. I've been starting to worry that there were problems you weren't showing me, or maybe problems you weren't even showing yourself. Now that I know you're just going to scream in my ear in the middle of the night, I feel better."  
  
Sirius started to laugh. He pulled Remus into his arms and kissed his temple. "Not too shabby for a dozen years in Azkaban."   
  
"Perfectly within the range of acceptable behaviors. I imagine I'll be sleeping through it in no time. Unless you wanted to talk about it."  
  
"You learn to sleep through it," Sirius said firmly.  
  
"I thought you would say that, but you know I did have to offer."  
  
"Yes. Go to sleep." Sirius kissed his temple again, and neither of them spoke again. Remus didn't fall back asleep, however; it was pointless to even try with Sirius holding onto him so tightly that he couldn't move so much as half an inch. He just lay there, being quiet and being close, and when it was light Sirius was himself again and they went on with the new pattern of their lives.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this will be the saddest thing I write for this couple

There's a moment, one brief moment when Sirius falls through the veil, when nothing seems more natural in the world to Remus than to follow.  
  
He even steps toward the veil, not stopping to think about the consequences, only knowing he's already lost Sirius once and if he's fast, he can catch Sirius' sleeve before it disappears from view. But then he collides, with someone who is doing the exact same thing he is, and by reflex he pulls that person away from danger.  
  
Having Harry in his arms brings Remus back to reality. Harry matters more than anyone: he matters as the one most likely to defeat Voldemort, as James' son, as a child. There are so many children here, so many of Remus' students; too many for him to think about himself. To do what he would choose to do.   
  
Harry is fifteen and enraged and it is some kind of miracle that, as fiercely as he is fighting to get away from Remus, he doesn't succeed. Remus only knows that holding on to Harry, now, might be the most important thing he ever does in his life.   
  
Eventually Harry stops struggling. A part of Remus dies when Harry relaxes in his grip. It's real now; Harry didn't follow, neither did Remus, it really happened and Harry is too young for this.   
  
After a moment Harry fights his way loose again, but Remus sees Dumbledore follow him. So Remus turns his attention to Neville, and from Neville to the other children, turning himself back into Professor Lupin, who has certainly not just suffered a devastating loss. He manages to hold things off until the injured have been removed to St. Mungo's and the Death Eaters have been sent off to Azkaban, until Moody catches him and warns him he can't go back to Grimmauld Place by himself, in case it now belongs to Bellatrix Lestrange. Moody offers him a spare bedroom for the night and Remus is forced to accept, having nowhere else to go.   
  
Moody is considerate enough to leave him alone when Remus shuts himself in the spare room, and to pretend not to hear him crying when at last, there is no one who needs Remus' help and nothing for Remus to do but acknowledge that Sirius is gone. Again, and for good. He has to grieve all over again for the boy he loved so much at Hogwarts, the one whose good memory was unexpectedly resurrected, and he has to grieve also for the weathered, determined man who came charging out of Azkaban two years ago. Remus doesn't always trust that there's an afterlife, but for awhile he tries to comfort himself with the idea of Sirius pleasantly reunited with James and Lily. Yet even that only makes him feel desperately alone, the last one left who has to carry on, care for Harry, fight the war. Gryffindors don’t let others down. Gryffindors don’t quit.  
  
The next day, Remus helps the others enter Grimmauld Place -- now enemy territory -- and gut it with implacable calm. He participates in the discussion over their new strategy now that Voldemort has come into the open, and appears cool and collected. He finds a new place to live; he escorts Tonks home from St. Mungo's and stays to hold and comfort her, because she seems to need it so much. Several people are keeping an unobtrusive eye on him, certain that Sirius' oldest companion will at some point break down somehow, need some kind of help, if only to express grief.   
  
But Remus is done grieving. He has come to the conclusion he will not survive the war. There's no way, to his mind, that he could live through something that killed both James and Sirius. He'll do his part, do everything he can, because Gryffindors don't quit; but he'll do it secure in the knowledge that this will, after all, turn out to be the shortest of the times that he and Sirius have been separated.   
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Pictures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set at the end of the first book, while Harry is in the hospital wing.

Remus paged slowly through a shoebox full of photographs, lips pursed, aware of Hagrid's gaze on him. He knew that his silence, his lack of action, was making Hagrid uncomfortable. But Remus had a genuine conundrum on his hands.  
  
"You were the first person I thought of, o'course," Hagrid said uneasily, trying to fill the silence. "Kid's never seen his mum and dad and all, and I figured you'd have loads of pictures, might be able to spare a few..."  
  
Remus sighed. "It's not that, Hagrid. I'd be very glad to do anything I could for Harry, but..."  
  
Hagrid frowned. "But?"  
  
Remus rubbed the side of his face. He pulled three photographs from the shoebox. In one, James and Sirius were running in and out of the picture, trying to jinx each other. In the second, the Gryffindor table was set for the end of year feast and James, Lily, Sirius and Peter were endlessly clinking their goblets together and smiling at the camera. In the third, James was covered with mud from falling off his broomstick and had one arm slung over Lily and one over Sirius, both of whom were fighting to get away from him.   
  
"They're all like this," Remus said helplessly. "He's in everything. I don't want to send Harry pictures of the man who betrayed his parents. Does he even know who Sirius is?"  
  
Hagrid looked very much sobered. "Don' think so. Yer right--if he doesn't know, he shouldn't find out yet, and if he does, he shouldn't have to look at him."  
  
Remus gestured helplessly. "These...these are what all my pictures are like." He felt vaguely guilty; why had he not thrown the photos away? He'd loved taking pictures when he was a student. It was almost like he'd seen the future coming. Like he'd felt the need to desperately document the only chapter of his life, between childhood isolation and adult rejection, that he would be accepted by a circle of friends.   
  
He couldn't swear that there were no pictures that were just of Lily or James. But searching for them would mean facing Sirius. Remus had carried these pictures with him throughout countless moves without once opening the box they were stored in; he could neither stand to look at them nor stand to let them go. And if he gave Hagrid permission to look through the box for pictures of the Potters, Hagrid would undoubtedly see what Remus could not bear to: how the teenage Remus' life, or at least the parts of it he had wanted to remember, had been completely permeated by Sirius Black.   
  
"How is Harry doing?" Remus asked quietly.   
  
"Dunno," Hagrid said bleakly. "Haven' seen 'im yet. Dumbledore says he'll be allrigh'. The other two kids that went with him, they're not banged' up badly, they're allrigh'.  
So Harry will be too. Yeah."   
  
Hagrid's expression was utterly morose. He hadn't told Remus everything that had been going on at Hogwarts--and Remus had the feeling that what Hagrid _had_ told him was a great deal more than he should have--but it couldn't have been clearer that Hagrid felt deeply guilty for something. Remus was curious to know more, not just about what had happened but about what Harry was like, but looking at Hagrid, he decided not to ask. Instead he drew a deep breath, and then pushed the box across the table to Hagrid. "Help me find some that are okay."  
  
  



	7. Bravery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( I know I mentioned doing a happy one after the last few, but this one was already written, so I hope at least it's not too sad. This is Remus centric, but I think it fits in this collection. I read this theory on tumblr and figured the common room was the Hogwarts equivalent ^ ^)

_(Remus' pov)_

I have heard it said that you must ask to be in Gryffindor.

That's the idea people were discussing in the common room the other night, at any rate.  
There may be something to it, although privately I think it's most likely just a lot of Gryffindor ego. Our house being special somehow, having a hidden test. Not only must you be suited to it, but you need to _want_ it, to claim your lion status from the hat. Qualities like intelligence or cunning are inherent, but bravery is a choice (or so my classmates claim). Therefore, if you don't choose Gryffindor, the hat won't let you it.

So the theory goes, and many students seemed quick to volunteer their own stories of what they said to the hat, and what the hat said to them, to prove that it's true. It was older students that started the conversation, but my friends were quick to jump in. James boasted that he always knew he'd be in Gryffindor, never any question, and he honestly can't remember if the hat told him or he told the hat. Sirius was equally adamant that he'd been rooting for Gryffindor all along and wouldn't have accepted any other answer. Peter was free with the information that the hat considered him for another house, but he firmly told the hat he wanted Gryffindor (Peter said the other house was Hufflepuff, but he said so with a cunning look in his eye that made me think of snakes).

Somewhere during this conversation Sirius turned to me and said, "Remus, your Sorting was fast, wasn't it? Like, the kind where the hat barely touches you before it's shouted where you're going. You must have been thinking _really_ hard about Gryffindor."

"Naturally," I said. It seemed like such a small lie, compared to some of the others I have to tell. And as ever, I didn't want to admit I was different from my friends. Didn't want to confess I'd had no idea which house I would go into, and no preference either. I, at least, had never asked to be in Gryffindor.

I didn't have to. When the Sorting Hat was put on my head, there was an indistinct exclamation of surprise and pain; then the Hat said, "Oh, my... you've no choice but to be brave, have you? You'll need brave companions to go with you. This one's a GRYFFINDOR!"


	8. In Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I swear, I am trying to write something happy for them. I'm having mixed success. This ficlet was inspired by "So This Is Christmas" by A Murmured Silhouette.)

Remus had always liked the dark. Even as a very small child, the reasons other people feared the dark completely escaped him. To his young mind, if he could not see the only logical conclusion was that he could not be seen either.  
  
After the bite, what had been a mild pleasure in being able to hide transformed into an overpowering, all consuming need. Remus did not like the dark so much as crave it. His parents taught him that his only chance in life would be to avoid being known for what he was. So Remus cultivated a relationship with darkness, knowing how much of his existance would be spent in it.  
  
~*~  
  
Sirius also grew up liking the dark. The eldest child of a grand old family, taught pride with every breath and indulged in every whim, it was arrogance that made Sirius venture into darkness. Where other children feared monsters, Sirius ran recklessly into the unknown, confident he could conquer all foes. He sought adventures, craved challenges, searched in vain for something to test his skills against. But the skeletons in the closet were easily disassembled, and the monster under the bed proved a coward. Even his nightmares could not surprise Sirius Black.  
  
The Sorting Hat did.  
  
~*~  
  
It could be said that they met in darkness. Not at the Gryffindor table, sizing up their new family after the Sorting; not in the weeks and months of building friendships and alliances that followed. Sirius showed his true self to his new friends at once, for he had never been taught to hide; but Remus had been taught nothing else, and so he could not be said to have truly met anyone.  
  
As a young Gryffindor Sirius still ran heedlessly into danger, not yet having met the thing that could frighten him. He knew there was something as yet undiscovered about Remus, but there were other mysteries to hold his attention. At Hogwarts, the defiance that Sirius had begun to feel towards his family blossomed; at Hogwarts, the shadow of his upbringing receded to the back of his personality as new adventures molded him. And at Hogwarts, Sirius at long last met the monster he's always known was lurking in the darkness somewhere.  
  
He could have fought with it, as he'd always imagined himself doing. He might have vanquished it. That was certainly what his family would have expected him to do. But Sirius looked at the monster and saw how it hated its loneliness, how desperately it tried to conceal its beastliness. He set aside his desire to conquer and sat down beside the monster to wait with him until the moon set.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
